.340 day 317

toots is the only thing keeping me grounded. keeping me 'here'.

without her...i'd simply...let go...and float...away.

i am a walking shell of who i was.
a portal of pain.
so deep, it pours out of my pores when i am not looking, 
beckoning to hungry souls who feed off of the broken 
(and that is who i am)
a mom who smiles and tickles and kisses throughout the day, 
and cries and screams and seeps out throughout the night
into sheets drenched in tears and sweat and prayers
and pleas that go unanswered.

.339 day 316

there's a randomly amazing story behind meeting this stranger/friend,
but you'll have to buy my book "in the spirit of being" (august) to find out.

(unless you're anwar. cause...i kinda, sorta tell him most things...first)

.338 day 315

.337 day 314

as a rule of thumb, i avoid candy dispensers like the plague.

exactly how old are these tiny pieces of sweetened bacteria?

.336 day 313

.335 day 312

left the comforts of central air in search of an eclectic head band for toots to wear at our family picnic tomorrow. found out that on hot days...the devil lives in my leather car seats. the semi-late outing was a welcomed journey, as toots has been sick all week, i've been working all week and hell existed anywhere the sun was shining. besides, i love colors. and between ikea and target, i tend to get my happy fill of them.

.334 day 311

it is much too hot for life these days. hiding out indoors with my littles, my fruit smoothie, a good book and my work. i haven't had wine in months due to new medicine, so i've taken to drinking everything out of a big wine glass and pretending to have a buzz. smoothies, juice, water, all swirled and sipped like it's stained with footprints. it only looks weird when my littles grabs it and takes a huge swig of whatever is in there. if i was a celebrity and this was caught on camera, the headline would read':

"SCANDAL: SBA GIVES ALCOHOL TO TODDLER"

.333 day 310