Wednesday, December 7, 2011

.09 the religion of raindrops

one night, long ago, as the sky cried, wind whispered, i stayed up through the wee hours of the night/morning listening to raindrops bouncing off of concrete with my closet friend at the time: an atheist with a heart so beautifully open he redefined my perception of god and spirituality. i was most at peace listening to him rant and rave about life's illogical guidelines while giggling about yet another one of his foiled murder attempts.

i remember that night simply from the silence. we barely spoke at all. the sky was weeping and he, so unnaturally quiet, the patter of raindrops and feet slosh and treading tires on wet ground the only sounds between us. i asked him what lay on his mind, asked him what could possibly be there to render him mute. 

he was so serene...

he spoke about how calming the rain was for him. said that it was the only time he felt he could exist in this realm of the world, the only time that it ever felt truly clean. when it rained, he said, life carried all the bullshit, the crime, the filth down random sewer drains. that criminals were less apt to commit crimes in downpours. and that it was the only time he felt the world to be an honest place. 

if he was the type of being to 'beam', he would have been glowing...

he said that if he could, he'd trail all of the rainstorms around the world, exist in a constant purge, and only then he'd be a peace, only then would he call me from here, or there, just to tell me that he finally found god, and would i believe, she existed in the raindrops all along?

(soft sigh)...because of him...i have never looked at rain quite the same. every drop, like a blessing, or a prayer that had been answered...and that moment, the closet moment, to ever truly touching heaven...

Sunday, December 4, 2011

.08 clarity

i salute those who shoot high fashion, models and commercial photography...but for me, the art within reality will always hold a settle thrill. 

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

.07 pumped

i need to get back into all my shoes and clothes, like, pronto. i can't take it anymore. while i believe you are beautiful at whatever weight you are, i believe even more that you're at your most beautiful when you are comfortable in your skin...and my skin is used to being at least 50 pounds lighter. i wish to say goodbye to my newly found "womanly" curves and hello to the slender me i used to be just a year ago. taylor is nearing 10 months and due to withdrawal (weed, cigarettes, wine, etc.) recovery (brain surgery), family emergencies (financial crisis) and basic stress, my diet detour has gone on long enough. i long for the sexy feeling i used to get being naked. i was 4 months pregnant when i took this photo and it was the last time that i have worn heels, the last time i lay on my back, toes in the air, completely naked and felt completely delicious in my own skin.

this winter, i am bringing sexy all the way back.

Monday, November 21, 2011

.06 as it was written

sooo...this month was national novel writing month and i tried unsuccessfully to take part in it. i had good intentions, wrote about 1000 words within the first hour of the race. but as time went on, life got harder, and time to write became one big mock at my initial attempt. (sigh) but i suppose all is not lost. i, at least, am on my path to finishing my novel (that i also started solely for the competition) so i guess, on some level, nanowrimo did exactly what it was supposed to do: push me.

i want the next great literary novel that oprah raves about to be my work. i want the type of book that gets worn from over-reading, that you take to the bathroom with you, that you sneak pages in while at work, or school, or church. the type of book you take a picture of even though no one else can actually see the words...

yeah, i need for my book to be that good.

pssst: follow my blog with bloglovin

pssst x2: read my column 'shiny happy fits' 

Monday, October 17, 2011

.05 top 3

there are 3 entities on earth that will always hold my highest favor: babies. elders. animals. of them all, i enjoy shooting babies and children the most. there is pristine beauty and wonder that lie in their eyes, energy, essence. they are unabashed in their actions. they boldly pick their noses. they cry when they feel the need. they are openly curious. and rarely are they camera shy...

Saturday, October 15, 2011

.04 la-la


a dynamic little girl. her mother and i were so close it was borderline obsessive. one of the reasons i have intimacy issues with "friends". i would hate to, ever again, loose anyone i have chosen as family and placed permanently in my heart. my sweet, little melody, lala. i miss her. (sigh). yeah, that's it.

.03 my god-baby


she spent her first night on earth in my arms. in the hospital, in a chair, i sat up the entire night, holding her, smelling her, so that her mother, my best-friend, could sleep.

Friday, October 14, 2011

.02 taylor's friend


son of our neighbors. taylor's first official friend. he has the sweetest spirit.

.01 toots


i call her toots. which is just a nickname of a nickname...cause i also call her tootie. 

my child. my heartbeat. my reason. 


.00 scratch that

i deleted it all. i'm starting from scratch. 
(much like my vices, my hair, my life)