Saturday, April 27, 2013

.256 day 230

i will not abandon my art.
i will not abandon my art.
i will not abandon my art.

both of my pisces parents were fellow creatives before the arrival of children. my father, as brilliant a writer as baldwin, minus the notoriety, used language so divine, his conversations spoke like poetry. he was in the midst of writing a memoir when he transitioned, a memoir whose yellowed pages (he wrote by hand) are stacked atop my bedroom shelf, waiting for my will to finish it.

my mother, a writer as well, reserved and detailed, like toni morrison, used to sketch...outfits, designs, patterns. i once found an old sketch book full of fly 70's fashions. big lapels and flapper suits, bold prints and creased bell bottoms. i was in shock. i didn't even know my mother could draw, and here lie a piece of who she was, stuffed into the bottom of an abandoned box, in the back of a neglected closet.

i was heart-broken. she gave up parts of nurture parts of my siblings and i.

when i had taylor, i vowed to stay on my path as an artist. she deserves to see the beauty of creation up-close. she needs to learn how to blend, both, art and business efficiently. all my mistakes on this path will serve as a guideline. all my triumphs will serve as inspiration...

the mixing of art and business is scary. there are days i just want to give up. where instability feels like a mark on my child's future. i have great weeks and bad weeks, extreme highs and extreme lows, and i have no idea what the future holds for our livelihood. on these days, i want to resort to school smarts, grab a 9-5 and make art just my hobby... 

(and, yet...i am nothing without...creation)

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