Wednesday, December 5, 2012

.108 day 93

you are gone, yet, you remain
and tomorrow this won't hurt the same
but i'm grateful, still,
 (despite the pain)
for the time we had
will have again

most of my father's poetry had the traditional "sing-songy" type of flow, but they were good. and i'm not being bias, here, they were really good. 

anyway, i wrote the above "piece" (that sounds so cliché) in his style because...well...most things on my heart these days begin and end with him. 

grief, for me, is uncomfortable. when i didn't understand it, when it hit another's heart, perhaps i thought them  dramatic. their out-pour of emotion, the constant longing for a reality that wouldn't show itself, the way every other thought they shared trailed back to their loved one. it all felt a bit...awkward. but get it. this emotion is impulsive. and overwhelming. and all-consuming when you aren't careful, and you just cannot help or contain the 'how and when' your emotions decides to show itself (my own keeps slipping out, at random times, to my displeasure).

and while i'm not fully at peace with my lost, i realize, that moment to moment, i get a little bit closer to it. and while this "missing" will never truly go away, i realize, that moment to moment, i'm finding comfort in it. 

daddy used to say "oh, so, you're hurt? well, then, be thankful. it just means you have the capacity to love so hard, you're able to feel the pain of it's lost. some people go through life never feeling, and never giving, that very thing".

and with that thought in mind, i sit in tearful gratitude to be hurting at all. his love was strong, and i loved him even stronger, and my like our own emo resume. 

if only 'peace of mind' was hiring...

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