Saturday, December 29, 2012

.134 day 117

i had plans for this snow day. i was low-key excited about taking my "challenge" pictures, mood peacefully suited for spotting the things that pique my interest, and spotting them under blankets of snow. planned on writing in my diary, which i've unnaturally neglected for some time now (unnatural, as i've kept a consistent diary since age twelve). of character sketching, and client editing. of tending to personal works and the tedious task of replying to emails, while listening to naima (john coltrane) and drinking chamomile tea by candlelight. a cliché day of tranquility. my cliché day of tranquility. so needed...but.......if you wanna make god laugh.......make plans. 

the snow was falling, newly so, and the roads were paved with slosh and slipping rainfall. the conversation on phone, held to ear, both, draining and heartbreaking. i turn around. park in front of my door and sit there for a while. (le sigh) this snow isn't pretty. it's "city snow". dirty and gray and staining to ones clothes. not high enough for children to play in, yet, high enough to be a nuisance to their path. screw the candles, screw the tea. i shift the phone from my ear to my lap (speakerphone). i listen. i reply. roll down the window and snap the side-view mirror. i listen. i reply. get out my jeep and look around. it's cold. i do not feel like snapping anything. do not feel like having any more of this conversation. toots is just inside those doors. i smile. this conversation is not reality. i disclaim it (not what's being said, but how it's making me feel). my cliché day fades. i'm going to bask in stark reality, instead. it's honest here. flaws and all, i know this place. beautifully inviting in it's ill-fitted state...(i'm rambling)...perhaps i shouldn't have written at all...perhaps i shouldn't have taken said call (that rhymed)...le sigh. i had plans for this snow day...

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